


How Does This Go?

by mollieblack



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Choose Your Own Adventure, Choose Your Own Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Memory Loss, Phanfiction, Reality, Travel, Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-11-30 22:42:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11473170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollieblack/pseuds/mollieblack
Summary: A Phan choose your own adventure. Participate as it's written to help shape how the story goes!*Reader warning: This fic is made a bit selfishly, it's so that I can write when I'm hitting intense writer's block for other fics. Therefore if I'm not in a writer's block phase, this fic will probably go a while without getting updated. Bear with me, thank you for your patience <3*





	1. Chapter One

"Phiiiiiiiiiilllllll..." I whined from the lounge, staring at my gmail inbox, fresh with seventeen new business emails I had to attend to.

"Yeah?" Phil called back from the lounge.

"I'm tireeeeeed...." I complained, shutting the laptop and deciding to deal with work later. "I want a break." 

Phil entered the lounge with two cups of coffee, setting one down for me, made just how I like it. I nodded my thanks and hummed appreciatively as I sipped the warm liquid. 

"Me too." he agreed, sighing as he plopped down on the sofa, taking a long sip of his own drink. "I mean... convention season just ended... we  _could_ feasibly take some time off. We have a good amount of content pre-filmed that's just about ready to go..." Phil said, and my eyes went wide.  _I_ was the one who always suggested taking time off and Phil  _always_ argued with me, reminding me that we had to keep working and continue for the fans. Now Phil was actually agreeing with me, proposing taking a break?

"Really?" I squeaked, peeking over my mug, and he shrugged.

"Yeah, I dunno. It's been ages since we've gone anywhere out of London that  _wasn't_ for YouTube or visiting family. It could be nice to just go somewhere and have some time to just relax." 

I was a bit surprised that my jaw hadn't completely fallen off and bounced onto the floor. 

"Oh... yeah, okay!" I agreed rapidly, opening my laptop up and pulling up a map. "Where should we go?" 

"I dunno... we could always do the thing where you spin a globe and just put your finger down and go there." Phil suggested and I huffed.

"Phil that always ends in the middle of the ocean, and where are you planning on finding a globe?" 

Phil shrugged again, thinking. "We could go somewhere tropical. Or somewhere cold. Or like foresty... maybe we could go camping." he thought aloud, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Us? Camping? You're kidding right?" Phil shook out of his thoughtful warm coffee daze to look at me and chuckled a bit. 

"Yeah, I suppose you're right."

I looked at him for a bit, still not entirely believing that he was on board to just go on a random vacation, leaving all the stress of work behind. 

"Are we really gonna do this?" I asked, looking him in the eye.

"I mean, we're not gonna find a better time than now. We have a few months now to ourselves and then conventions are gonna start up again and life's gonna get crazy. Now seems as good a time as ever, and to be completely honest I've been feeling super uncreative lately and just tired... I think some time off could be just what I need. I don't know about you."

"Yeah it's the same for me." I agreed. 

"Then it's settled. We're leaving the country."

"We're leaving the country." I agreed. "Now just to figure out where..."

"How about we narrow it down to a few options and then see what's the cheapest?" Phil suggested and I nodded, liking that idea. 

"Okay. Um... We could go to Africa and go on a safari." I suggested and Phil nodded, writing it down on a note on his phone.

"Or we could go to an island... Fiji maybe?" 

"Yeah... I know we've already been there, but you know I love Japan." I mentioned and Phil hummed in agreement.

"There's always Vegas too." he grinned and I just hummed, suddenly stiff and avoiding eye contact because I just knew he was smirking at me and I couldn't handle remembering our Vegas trip right now... he seemed to be unphased by it, but I certainly hadn't forgotten the one time we'd kissed, drunk off the music and dancing, alone in our dark hotel room. We'd fallen asleep before anything else could happen, but when you've been in love with your best friend for years and then he kisses you, it's not something that's easily forgotten. 

"Yeah, there's Vegas." 

We brainstormed for a while and eventually narrowed it down to three options. 

 

**_A) Safari in Africa_ **

**_B) Tropical Island_ **

**_C) Vegas_ **


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter's verdict was option B) Tropical Island
> 
> ***This fic will have several (maybe not all, but several) VERY short chapters. It'll just be how this fic works, it'll probably be long, with just TONS of very short chapters.

"Fiji it is." Phil stated with a smile and I grinned back, looking forward to a lazy vacation in the sun, sipping on fancy drinks and enjoying the warm weather. 

"You sure?" I asked, my mouse hovering over the button that would confirm our purchase of tickets.

"Let's do this." Phil grinned and I clicked, still a bit disbelieving that tomorrow night we'd be up and gone, on our way to Fiji. 

"Alright crazy, let's figure out what to tell the fans and set up an uploading schedule for when we're gone." I decided, and Phil and I did so, telling the fans that we'd be on vacation but not telling them where, we really wanted this to be just for us and not as a 'Youtube trip'. We set up a few videos we'd already filmed and edited, so we should have an AmazingPhil video and a DanAndPhilGAMES video coming up while we're gone. That'd be plenty for the week long trip, and the fans shouldn't be too disappointed, they'd only be missing out on Twitter updates possibly, though I knew that we'd most likely still post because anytime me or Phil did anything outside our house crazy things seemed to happen. I was pretty sure it was just the universe telling us we shouldn't go outside. 

At the end of the night, after lots of cramming for work and packing, Phil and I crumpled onto the couch, groaning. We'd planned to watch a movie, but honestly at this point I just wanted sleep. Our flight tomorrow was leaving at four so we should be leaving the house at one, leaving an hour to get to the airport and then two hours to get through it and through customs. 

"So..." Phil started, sounding just as uninspired by the movie idea as I felt. "Uh... Mean Girls?" he asked tiredly and I laughed into the arm of the sofa.

"I just want sleeeeeeep..." I mumbled and Phil nodded, which I saw as I peeked up from the hard armrest. 

"Me too. Maybe... maybe lets skip the movie." he murmured and I grinned, standing up and helping him to his feet.

"You, my dear friend, are brilliant." I giggled sleepily as I pulled him into a hug. "Night." I murmured by his ear, then pulled away and we both stumbled tiredly to our separate rooms. I fell asleep feeling strangely empty, wishing I had someone next to me because I was getting a bit sick of being so alone. 

* * *

When I woke up it was already noon and I groaned into my pillow, laying there for a few moments before begrudgingly pushing myself up and getting out of bed, making my way to the kitchen to shove some food into my stomach. 

"Mornin'." Phil murmured over a cup of coffee, and I was struck, as I often am especially early in the morning, by how adorable Phil was. His glasses hanging a bit askew on his nose, his hair frumpled and his pajama pants a bit lopsided, a strip of skin showing on his hip where his shirt rode up and his pants hung low. 

I quickly snapped my gaze back up to his eyes, realizing I'd let myself stare for a moment, but if he noticed he didn't make it clear. 

"Morning. Is there more?" I asked, gesturing to his cup of coffee and he nodded, pouring me a cup and adding just the perfect amount of cream and sugar. I don't know how, but Phil can always make coffee the way I like it better than I can. 

"Thanks." I murmured, taking a sip and closing my eyes, humming in appreciation as warmth spread through my body.

"No problem. Fiji today." Phil remarked and I raised my eyebrows over my mug with a little sigh and a smile, still in a bit of disbelief that we were really doing this.

"Yeah... Fiji." I agreed, shaking my head and laughing.

"I'm really excited actually." He grinned and I smiled too, putting my coffee down and making us each bowls of cereal, not even asking Phil if he wanted any because I knew the answer would be yes. 

We ate cereal and talked, and one came around quickly. We soon found ourselves rushing into a cab and then at the airport, going through customs, and then we were on the airplane and finally getting to relax, preparing for our twenty two hour flight. 

We'd booked first class, deciding to spend the extra money for the much needed legroom for two giants like us. Anyways this was a vacation and it was a long flight, it'd be nice to treat ourselves. 

We actually got our own little room with two reclining chairs, a TV, and a privacy curtain to separate ourselves from the rest of the cabin. 

Phil and I reclined our chairs far back and plugged in our earbuds, deciding to watch Moana together once the plane was in the sky. The chairs were close and our armrests were up, and I could practically feel the warmth of Phil's arm just a few inches away from mine, making my skin tingle. 

"Hello gentlemen, is there anything I can get for you?" A stewardess asked, and Phil and I grabbed the menu, consulting it briefly. 

"Some champagne?" Phil asked, mostly asking me and I nodded.

"Yes, actually if we could just get a full bottle that'd be excellent." I agreed and the stewardess nodded, returning a few moments later with a bottle and two flute glasses. We filled them and cheersed, turning back to the movie. I barely noticed how much I was drinking until I began pouring each of us our fifth glass and realized how much the bottle had emptied. 

"Wow." I giggled, sloshing the bit left in the bottom around and raising an eyebrow at Phil.

"Makes the flight funnnnnnnnn!" Phil exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear and I shook my head as I smiled at him, in awe of how much I was infatuated with this man, because in my current state of inebriation I didn't even hold myself back from thinking about it, adoring Phil next to me. 

"You're cute!" he exclaimed, poking me on my nose, and I froze, staring at him, wide eyed.

"I wanna cuddle. Sleepy. Let's finish the movie." He suggested and leaned his head on my shoulder. I tensed but then relaxed into it, completely lost as to what to do. The man I loved was asking me to cuddle, and even though I was tipsy I knew that this might be a bad idea, but my body ached to pull him in closer. I frowned, trying to figure out what to do, my thoughts hazy.

 

_**A) Extract myself subtly and put space between us** _

_**B) Give in and cuddle with him** _

_**C) Talk to him about it** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your choice so we can keep this story going <3 :) Also remember, choose the option you think is interesting/would work for the story, they'll get together and there'll be plenty of options so don't feel like you have to choose an option just because it's the more romantic one :) Not to say you can't choose romantic, just want to make sure you all know that there will be plenty of other times :)  
> VOTING CLOSED


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The popular vote from last chapter was B) Give in and cuddle
> 
> Thank you all for voting, I'm having a lot of fun with this and I hope you are too! I really love interactive things, and I think this could be a really fun, long fic that we can all build together :D

After freezing for a few seconds, Phil's closeness and the alcohol took over and I found myself wrapping my arms around his torso, pulling him closer as he nuzzled into my neck.

"Mmmm cozy..." Phil hummed and I felt the vibrations from his throat seep through my body, making me shudder. I leaned my head down atop his and we sat, lazily watching Moana in the background. Eventually Phil moved his head to look at me and I was forced to move my face a few inches away. 

"You're pretty." Phil giggled and I raised my eyebrows, my cheeks flushing quickly both from embarrassment and the champagne.

"Th... Thanks." I stammered, only making Phil giggle more. The laughs fell away suddenly and he got a very serious look on his face, staring intently just below my eyes. 

"I like... your nose." he decided, booping my nose with his finger and giggling. Before I could realize what was happening, he leaned forward quickly and somewhat violently crashed our noses together, cackling." 

"Ow!" I brought my hand up to rub my now throbbing nose. 

"Sorry!" Phil squeaked, eyes wide and mouth open in shock, but he quickly began to giggle again and leaned in once more, this time pressing a soft kiss to the tip of my nose. 

I was fairly certain my eyes were about to fall out of my head and roll across the floor, I was holding them open so wide.

"There. All better." Phil decided triumphantly, curling into my side and wrapping one leg over mine. 

"G'night." he mumbled into the shirt over my shoulder as I stared wide eyed at the ceiling. 

"Night." I managed to get out, and then his breathing was slowing but mine was racing, my heart feeling like it was about to beat out of my chest. 

It probably honestly only took me about five or ten minutes to fall asleep, but in the state I was in it felt like hours. What had just happened? Had Phil really just called me pretty and kissed my nose? None of this made sense, and eventually my brain began hurting too much to think and I drifted into sleep.

* * *

I woke to the sound of rustling by my side. I squinted my eyes open, recoiling at the harsh light, then slowly allowed them to adjust, making out the figure of Phil who was now sitting up, swallowing a gulp of water with a bottle of pills in his other hand. Immediately I reached out for the pills, making feeble grabbing motions with my hand.

"Gimme." I pleaded, and Phil did so. He helped me into a sitting position and gave me some water to take the painkillers with. We both laid back down with our eyes closed, not touching this time, no words spoken. 

After about twenty minutes I felt the throbbing in my head fade and slowly opened my eyes, finding them adjusting to the light better than before, and I sighed.

"You feeling better?" I asked, and Phil opened one eye slowly then sighed in relief, opening the other and nodding. 

"Yeah, thanks." he said, taking out his phone and checking the date and time. "Oh god, we've still got fourteen hours left of the flight." he grumbled and I made a distasteful face. 

"What do you want to do when we get there?" I asked, realizing we hadn't made any plans, just booked the room in the resort. 

"I dunno. Get settled in, maybe just have a relaxed first day, order room service and watch movies? We'll be getting in near night anyway. The next day maybe we'll go down to the beach or something. I say we don't make many plans, though, the point of this is to relax, right?" Phil suggested and I nodded fervently, the idea of not forcing ourselves to go out and do touristy things just because we were traveling and knew our followers would want to know all the things we did was a freeing one, and I smiled, reclining my chair a bit more, turning on my side to face Phil and pulling the small blanket over me that they provide in first class. 

Phil mirrored my actions and looked back at me, then down at his fingernails as he began to play with them. 

"So..." I started, confidence somehow bursting through me suddenly. "I'm pretty?" I asked, and Phil blushed profusely as I began to chuckle. 

"Shut up! I was drunk!" 

"Not drunk enough to forget, though!" I grinned as he hit me softly with his pillow. 

"You're an idiot." He mumbled softly into his pillow once he got it back, hiding his blush behind it, his eyes just peeking over the top. 

"I know. But I'm a  _pretty_ idiot!" 

"Maybe pretty idiotic!" Phil shot back and I put a hand over my chest in mock-hurt. 

"Wow!" I exclaimed and he giggled, shaking his head and finally removing the pillow from in front of his face and placing it back below his head, laying down again. 

"It's true." He smiled and I cocked an eyebrow.

"Which one?" 

"Well you can't expect me to give away  _all_ my secrets, Howell! I've gotta keep you guessing!" Phil smirked, but my eyes widened at the blatant flirtation in his words. Phil was always sweet, it was what I loved about him and it could certainly be mistaken for flirting sometimes, but this was playful and coy, something I very rarely saw out of Phil, and never this blatant. 

"No hints?" I decided to play into it, wanting to capitalize on this rare opportunity. 

"No hints, Howell, you've gotta figure it out on your own." he smiled and I raised an eyebrow. 

"Figure what out?"

"Exactly."

"Phil you're insufferable."

"I know." 

I groaned, shaking my head at his stubbornness. I didn't know exactly how to continue the conversation but I didn't want to lose the sudden flirtation that somehow had appeared, so I decided to try to get on even ground with him.

"That's alright. I have my secrets too." I said haughtily, but Phil just laughed.

"Sure you do." he said sarcastically and my eyebrows knitted together in protest.

"I do! I have plenty of secrets!" 

"Name one." he challenged and I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms.

"I can't just  _tell_ you my secrets! Then they wouldn't be secret!"

Phil groaned, reaching forward to uncross my arms forcibly, taking my hands in his. My eyes widened slightly, wondering what had gotten into him and why he was suddenly being so flirtatious.

"Daaaaaaannnnnn..." Phil whined at the information he was denied and I smirked back.

"You can't keep secrets and then get mad when I have my own, Philly!" I said simply, though to be honest I only really had one secret, and there was no way I'd ever tell him. Not just for me, but for him too, for our fanbase. If I told him I was in love with him it'd ruin anything, so really he should be thanking me for keeping this secret.

As always a little voice in the back of my mind shouted that maybe, just MAYBE he might like me too. It was a bit louder today, amplified by Phil's flirting, but I shoved it down as always. I wasn't going to ruin the best thing to ever happen to me.

"Well I'm gonna figure yours out." Phil said decidedly. "By the end of this trip I'm gonna know all your secrets, Danny." He grinned, and only then did I realize we were still holding hands, his thumbs brushing lines over my knuckles. 

"Well then I'll figure yours out too." I threw back, and he shrugged.

"It's a deal. We both have secrets and we'll see who wins by whoever can find out the other's sooner on this trip!" Phil squeezed my hands now with a smile and I sighed, agreeing because I knew I'd win this one. 

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into, Lester." 

"I can handle it. Unless I find out you're a murderer, I can handle it. Even if I found out you really  _are_ secretly a furry, I would accept you." he smiled, suddenly sweet again, being conscious of the fact that if I had a secret it may be something I'm embarrassed or shy about. I felt the familiar longing in my heart, as I did whenever Phil was so sweet and thoughtful, and this time it was only that much stronger because of the hands in mine, the thumbs over my knuckles, the fact that he was laying just inches away from me and staring at me intently. 

"You too. Whatever your secret is, I'll be okay with it." I assured him and he smiled, letting go of my hands to pull me into a hug.

"Good." he whispered by my ear. 

* * *

The rest of the flight was uneventful. We watched a few more movies and the flirtatious banter disappeared, back to our normal conversation which I didn't dislike, but I certainly missed the flirting, still wondering where it'd come from. 

We landed and got a taxi to our hotel, walking into the room and plopping down on the two queen sized beds that were next to each other, humming in appreciation of the soft mattresses.

"Room service?" I suggested and Phil nodded excitedly. We ordered off the menu and twenty minutes later we were settling in for an anime we'd set up through hooking a laptop to the TV through an HDMI cable we'd remembered to bring just for this purpose. I dug into my shrimp fried rice, moaning at the taste. 

"Oh god, if this is what the food tastes like and we have  _these_ mattresses, I'm never leaving our room!" I giggled and Phil nodded in intense agreement, mouth too full to voice his affirmation. 

We fell asleep quickly after eating, drifting into a deep, warm sleep.

* * *

When I woke up the next day, Phil was still asleep. I hopped in the shower and ordered us both breakfast off the room service menu, knowing what Phil would like well enough to order for him. Once the food had arrived, I brought the waffles up under Phil's nose, waving them around until his eyes opened in wonder and he beamed at the food, looking like a kid on Christmas. 

"Thank you!" he exclaimed as he dug into his food and I smiled, working away at my own. 

Once both our plates were empty I leaned back against my headboard, looking over at him.

"So what's the plan for the day?"

"I dunno. We could go down to the beach, we could go through the town, do something touristy, just stay in the resort?" Phil suggested, and I nodded, thinking. 

"Maybe we'll do something touristy on this trip, but I don't feel like today... so let's rule that out... the beach could be nice and it's  _right_ here so we could always come back if we wanted, town could be fun and maybe we could get some souvenirs and find some places to eat, but it also does sound kinda nice to just stick around here and get some drinks and relax in the pool and the room. There's also a mini bar area downstairs with a pool table that I saw, that could be fun." I thought aloud and Phil nodded along with my thoughts, biting his lip as he tried to make a decision.

 

_**A) Beach by the resort** _

_**B) Go into town** _

_**C) Stay in the resort** _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave your votes below in the comments <3 Thank you all! 
> 
> Also 30,000 cumulative hits between all my fics on this site? fjdosajfiodsjafid thank you <3


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Results from last chapter: A!!! (Beach by the resort)

"This was a good idea." Phil observed warmly as we sipped lemonade, sitting on beach towels overlooking the warm blue sea, lazily lapping at the sand. 

"A very good idea." I agreed, smiling and allowing myself to gaze over at Phil for just an extra second or so, because he just looked especially good today and I didn't have the energy with jetlag to hold myself back. 

"Wanna swim?" he asked after a while and I looked around the beach, thinking. 

"Maybe later... there are still quite a few people here and I don't want anyone taking pictures of us." 

"That's a good point." he agreed, and we lay on our towels in silence, looking up at the hot blue sky.

"I'm gonna end up looking like I spread nutella all over myself again, aren't I?" I asked, and Phil giggled, shaking his head against his beach towel.

"Yeah, probably. Hey, tan Howell has to make a return at least every once in a while." 

I smiled and looked at the sky, watching as a few seagulls flew overhead. I did really want to swim. It kind of sucked sometimes, not feeling quite able to do what you want just because someone might recognize you and take a photo and then it'd be all over the internet the next hour. It was a bit stressful, but when it came down to it I'd never complain. I'd gotten so lucky with my job, getting to do something I loved with someone I loved, and the little downfalls were well worth it. 

"Phil?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"I love our job." 

"Me too, Dan." 

The silence continued a few more moments and I felt the heat slowly sinking into my skin.

"Thank you." I stated after a while, and Phil turned his head on his blanket to look over at me.

"What for?"

"Responding to my tweets years ago. I... I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't. I certainly wouldn't have started making my own videos, we never would have met. Honestly I'd probably just be some super depressed lawyer at this point."

Phil gave me a small smile, then propped himself on one elbow, scanning the beach quickly. He came back after doing his short scan and reached over to grab my hand and squeeze it quickly, letting go after just a moment.

"You're welcome." he said warmly, and I felt little butterflies flutter about in my chest. 

After a while we went to the shaded tables by the bar on the beach owned by the resort and ordered some cocktails. We drank a bit, enjoying our time out of the sun, and soon dusk was approaching, the sun making its way down over the water, pink and orange filling the sky. I looked down to the beach and saw that it was empty, the only people I could see were two people, small as ants, far away from the resort.

"Swimming?" I asked, and Phil nodded excitedly. 

We made our way down to the ocean and stripped off our shirts, already wearing swim trunks. We waded into the water, and it was warm, comfortable, and it was always so strange for me to walk into the ocean and have it be warm, but it was here and I loved it. 

We went in until we had to tread water to stay afloat but were only a few feet from where we could stand. We kicked at the water and giggled, drunk off our spontaneous vacation, the few cocktails, and the excitement of the ocean. 

The waves were picking up a bit but it was still manageable, so we kept swimming and I cackled evilly as I splashed Phil, who turned back to me with sopping wet hair and a scowl to hide his grin, splashing me back. We laughed and fought with water, until we were both getting tired. 

"Alright, let's head back." Phil suggested after a while and I nodded, unused to this amount of exercise. We made our way back until the water just came up midway on our chests, and we could hold our ground. 

"Oh my goodness, Dan..." Phil giggled, moving towards me. I almost moved away, surprised at his advancement and a bit intimidated by our bare chests, but I held my ground and he kept walking forward until he was just a foot away from me. 

"You've got..." he started, and reached up into my hair, tugging and tussling it a bit, until he pulled his hand away along with a string of seaweed.

"Ew!" I giggled, shrinking away from the seaweed. He laughed and threw it into the water a few meters away, then turned back to me with a huge grin on his face, cheeks flushed from the alcohol and exercise. 

"Look at the sky." he marveled, turning to face the horizon. I turned with him and our bare shoulders were touching, sending pulses of heat through me, but I focused on the sky, and it was easy to forget about everything else because the sky was so beautiful, vibrant colors mixing, soft within the clouds, with bits of blue poking out from where the clouds separated. 

"It's beautiful." I smiled, looking out, and I wasn't sure if it was just my imagination or if Phil really did lean into my shoulder a bit.

"Yeah..."

We stood there, chest deep in water, gazing at the sunset until the last bit of the sun finally dipped under the horizon.

When the sun was finally gone and the sky turned darker, Phil turned to me with a sigh. 

"Should we head back?" he asked, and I missed the contact of his shoulder against mine, the contact that had gotten closer and closer as we'd watched the sun set, until our entire arms had been pressed against each other, hands touching along the lines of our pinkies. 

"Yeah... yeah sure." I responded, and we turned and began wading back. 

We returned to our room and changed into dry pyjamas and ordered room service, realizing just how hungry we were. We demolished a stir fry, both laying in my bed as we watched a movie, because it just felt weird to sit in separate beds and eat while watching a movie, like it was too detached. 

Halfway through the movie we both finished our food and pushed it away, placing the trays on the end table to deal with later. I climbed under the blankets, and to my surprise Phil followed. We continued to watch the movie, and I was very aware of the fact that Phil put himself close enough to me again that our arms were touching, from our shoulders to the tips of our pinkies. I shuddered, unable to focus on the movie, feeling the heat of his arm radiating through mine. 

Near the end I froze as I felt a weight on my shoulder, and craned my neck gently to see that Phil had fallen asleep on my shoulder, his lips parted gently, his eyes shut, and his breathing steady as he rested his ear on my shoulder. I bit my lip and smiled, allowing myself to enjoy this for a moment. 

"Goodnight, Phil." I murmured softly, grabbing the remote carefully so as not to wake him up and switching the movie off, then slowly lowering us both so we were laying down in the bed. This shift caused Phil to make a slightly discontented sound in his sleep, curling closer in to me as we laid down, until one of his legs was over both of mine and his head rested atop my shoulder, his hand on my chest as I laid on my back, eyes wide as I stared at the ceiling. 

Phil was like a koala, completely attached to my side, and when the remote that I'd precariously placed on the end table, barely able to reach it without waking Phil before, came crashing to the ground I looked over in fear, seeing Phil's eyes shoot wide.

Our gazes met and there was a mutual understanding of what had happened, and a lack of knowledge as to what to do now. Phil's face was open and wide in surprise as he gazed at me, and I just wanted to lean down and kiss him, it'd be so easy. He wasn't pulling away, just staring at me in shock, and I didn't know what to do.

 

**_A) Pull apart and suggest he returns to his bed_  
**

**_B) Talk about it_ **

**_C) Kiss him_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment below what you'd like to happen (A, B, or C)! :)  
> VOTING FOR THIS CHAPTER IS CLOSED


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Results from last chapter: B) Talk about it

"Phil..." I started, unsure of exactly where I was going with this. "What... what are we doing?" 

Phil looked away, embarrassed for a moment. He began to pull away, but then stopped and looked at me. 

"I don't know. It's... kind of nice, though. I don't mind if you don't..." he wasn't looking me in the eye, and I was glad because he didn't see my heart hop into my throat and my eyes widen in surprise, sweat building on my forehead as my cheeks flushed. We'd kissed once in Vegas, but it'd been sloppy and we had been drunk to the point of not being able to stand. This was different, and while we hadn't kissed, it was still much more than we ever did. 

"Yeah um... I don't mind." I choked out after a while.

"So... this is okay?" he asked, and I nodded in response, not trusting my voice. Phil hesitantly began curling his arms back around me, and finally settled back in, wrapped around my side. 

We laid there in silence for a while, both us us getting used to this new allowance between us. 

"Are you sure this is okay?" Phil asked after enough time had passed that I was beginning to think he might be asleep.

"Yeah. Yeah, like you said before... it's kind of nice." I confirmed, and I felt Phil's whole body shiver for a moment. 

"Yeah... yeah it is."

Silence took over the room again, and I finally allowed myself to fully relax under Phil's hold. I closed my eyes and leaned my head to the side so it rested atop Phil's hair, drinking in the scent of his shampoo mixed with the sea. The smell made me happy, and I fell asleep with a small smile on my face.

* * *

I woke up slowly, humming in contentment and squeezing the warm mass I was cuddling. I slowly blinked my eyes open, and then froze. Phil was attached to me, but throughout the night he'd moved so he was halfway on top of me. My arms were wrapped around him, and his face was nuzzled into my neck, his lips pressed against my neck as the breath from his nose sent cold wafts of air over it, making hairs stand up and tingle with electricity. 

Phil was mumbling something in his sleep, and the movement of his lips did nothing to help the pulses of energy radiating from my neck and throughout my whole body. I couldn't quite make out the words he was saying, but I knew I heard my own name several times. 

Phil shifted in his sleep so he was even further on top of me, and my eyes shot wider than I'd ever known they could, as I felt something hard in his pants connect with my hip. At this contact, Phil moaned in his sleep, nuzzling further into my neck. I was doing my best to hold back my own arousal but failing miserably, and any hope was gone the minute Phil unconsciously began moaning into the soft skin of my neck, mumbling my name a few times, grinding sleepily down, partially onto my hip and partially onto my groin. 

I was frozen. I knew I should stop him, should wake him up, should move away, but I physically couldn't move or make a noise. I lay there in shock for one, two, three more thrusts, and then the spell was broken and I was gently but quickly shoving Phil off of me, sitting up and making sure the duvet hid my arousal. 

Phil woke up immediately and looked at me in confusion. He quickly surveyed my features, taking in my disheveled, embarrassed, and shocked state. I also noticed as he grabbed the duvet to pull it over his own crotch, hiding the rock hard object that'd been shoving into my skin just moments earlier. 

"Uh... Dan? Are you okay?" Phil asked in a squeaky voice. "Did something happen?"

I sat there in shock, still unable to process everything that'd just transpired, unsure of exactly what to tell Phil. I decided not to answer his question directly, instead asking another question.

"Phil... what did you dream about?"

Phil's face went red and he looked away, and I knew immediately that his dream had been dirty. Not like that wasn't easy enough to guess, but it was confirmed now, and his dirty dream had included  _my name._ Several times. 

"Did... did I do something?" Phil asked, red as a tomato, and I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to teleport back to London and not have to have this conversation, because  _god_ this was awkward, and what was I supposed to say?

"Um..." I started, thinking. "Yeah... uh... it's okay though. Just kinda... um... surprised me." I stammered out, not wanting to go into full detail. Was this something that happened often to Phil? I didn't have dirty dreams all that often, but when I did it was still rare for me to actually do anything in my sleep. More often when I was a teen, I'd wake up face first in my mattress with matted and crunchy dried white liquid all over my stomach and bedding, but that hadn't happened in years now.

One look over to Phil told me that he knew  _exactly_ what had happened. 

"Oh my god Dan... I'm  _so_ sorry." he apologized, dropping his head into his hands. 

"It's okay... it wasn't... uh... bad?" I cringed internally, hitting myself for allowing those words to escape. "It just kinda surprised me."

Phil brought his knees up to his chest and hid himself in his arms which he wrapped around his knees. I frowned, realizing it was up to me to keep this situation light and make him feel better.

"Hey, it's okay, alright? We all have those days, I'm okay, really. I suppose I just wasn't expecting to wake up being dry humped by my best friend as he had a sex dream about me." I said, trying to joke, but realized the minute it was out that it didn't lighten the mood as I'd been hoping.

Phil looked up at me over his arms, face paper white now. "How'd you know it was about you?" he asked, and I bit my lip in embarrassment.

"Uh... you said my name. A lot." 

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." Phil lamented, shaking his head as he looked down at his knees. "I swear it doesn't happen often. It doesn't mean anything." 

My eyes shot wide. This had happened before? More than once? I felt the strangely conflicting emotions of both wanting to jump for joy and squeal in excitement, but also feeling extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable from this entire situation. 

I didn't know what else to say, so my mouth decided, against my brain's better judgement, to just say what I'd thought originally. 

"You've had those dreams about me before?" 

Silence filled the room.

It dragged on for what felt like hours, though in reality it was probably just a minute or so. 

"Could we just... forget that any of this happened?" Phil asked dejectedly after a while, and I sighed, nodding. 

"Yeah. Yeah, that'd be good." I knew I'd never be able to forget the way Phil sounded, moaning and mumbling my name, the way he felt grinding down against me, his lips tingling my neck, but I was an actor. Phil would never know. 

"Um... I'm gonna go take a shower. I uh..." I made a little gesture with my finger for him to turn away and his eyes widened, then he nodded and turned his back to me so I could waddle uncomfortably to the bathroom, my erection at full mast after this morning's activity. 

I showered and dressed, and then Phil showered as well, and eventually we were both sitting on the edge of my bed eating breakfast from room service in uncomfortable silence. 

"So... what should we do today?" Phil asked after a while, because it was still just about ten in the morning and we had a full day ahead of us.

"I dunno. It's up to you. I saw there's some snorkeling stuff we could do if we wanted. Or town or stay here, I don't really care." I mumbled, amazed at the tension in the air.

"Okay... uh... I don't know. Any of those sound alright."

We sat in silence for a while, and eventually it got to be too much for me and I knew we had to just make a decision and start doing something so I took a deep breath and decided to just decide.

 

_**A) Go into town** _

_**B) Stay in the resort** _

_**C) Go snorkeling** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please vote to help shape how the story progresses! <3
> 
> VOTING FOR THIS CHAPTER IS CLOSED


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Results from last chapter:  
> A) Go into town
> 
> This is a bit of a longer chapter, hope you enjoy! :)

Once I'd made the executive decision that we'd go into town and visit the market, the tension began to dissolve. We made our way into town, just a short walk from the resort, and began walking through stands of food and handmade crafts in the local marketplace. Phil and I still weren't talking much, but it was now more of a comfortable silence that we were used to, rather than an awkward 'you had a sex dream about me last night and we both know it' silence. 

There were pineapples everywhere, and Phil picked one up and turned towards me, putting it over his face.

"Guess who?" he chuckled, and I shook my head, laughing. 

"Wait, let me get a picture!" I pulled out my phone and snapped a photo, sending it to Caspar.

"He's never gonna forgive you for that comparison, it'll haunt him forever." Phil scolded with a giggle.

"Hey, it's not my fault he resembles a spiky fruit! Maybe he should change his hair." I laughed, shrugging as Phil put the pineapple back. 

"Maybe I can convert him and get him to try out a fringe! I need to have some fellow emos, I'm the last one left!" 

"Phil I think the only solution is for you to start curling your hair. It's the new thing. And hey, you look good with curls!" 

"I'm not going through that ever again! I don't trust you with hot metal near my head!" 

"Well you could always get a perm."

"Oh yeah, try to go for that Bob Ross vibe?"

We were both giggling and all the tension of the morning left, allowing us to just enjoy the moment. 

We began walking through the market, looking at different crafts along the way. We bought ice cream and ate it as we walked. I stopped Phil from buying a gigantic wooden lion sculpture, convincing him after ten minutes that it wouldn't be worth it to get it shipped all the way back to England, especially since we had nowhere to put it. I dragged him away as Phil pouted, looking back at the wooden lion in despair.

After a while I found a flier for cliff jumping and lit up. I  _loved_ things like this. I loved doing things that gave me a thrill, and cliff jumping was right up my alley. 

"Hey Phil..." I started, flicking my gaze from his eyes to the poster and back. I knew Phil wasn't nearly as daring as I was when it came to these things, so it'd be unlikely that I could convince him. Still, I had to try.

It too Phil a second to realize what I was looking at, but then he placed his hands firmly on his hips and gave me a 'look'. 

"Awww, come on Philly, it'd be fun!" 

"Don't call me Philly, and no, I don't feel like dying today."

"You won't die!" I protested, pouting out my lower lip, pleading with my eyes.

"Well then you'll die and I'll have to carry your body back to land and I'm sorry, I'm just not in good enough shape to make that swim!" 

I frowned a little but shrugged, letting go of it because I hadn't really expected to convince him in the first place. 

"Fineeeee." 

We continued through the market all day. We luckily didn't run into any fans, to the best of our knowledge the internet still had absolutely no idea where we were, and I enjoyed just being able to be normal tourists. 

"Hey Phil, Caspar messaged me back." I said amusedly as we dug into our seafood that evening on a picnic bench outside of a little food cart. 

"Ooh, what'd he say?"

"He said.... oh um... nothing really." I stuttered as I read what Caspar had wrote. It wasn't like I wasn't used to people insinuating that Phil and I were together, but I generally didn't bring it up with Phil just because for me it wasn't entirely a joke, it was something I allowed myself to wish for guiltily in the dark of night. 

Typed into our messages after the picture of Phil with the pineapple, which I now noticed had two particularly long spines on the top that went out on either side, making it look like Phil had horns, was Caspar's message.

**I don't know why you're sending me this, Dan, I don't need to see when you've made your boyfriend horny.**

The joke was a bit muddled but I understood what Caspar was getting at, and had to give him props for trying to brush off the joke against him, knowing it was a defense mechanism I used myself quite often. 

"What is it?" Phil asked curiously, clearly noting my strange expression as I quickly clicked out of the chat. 

"Nothing." 

"Okay?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, and then sighed and returned to his food. I let some air escape me, unsure of why this was affecting me so much. Maybe I'd let myself think about my crush too much on this trip, I was usually pretty good at ignoring it but it'd been much more present in my mind the past few days. I sighed and decided to return to eating. 

We made our way back along the beach towards our resort, deciding to walk along the sand even though it'd be a few more minutes, enjoying the warm night breeze.

As we made our way down to the water I was looking down at the sand at my feet and jumped when Phil reached over and grabbed my hand suddenly.

"Dan! Dan, look!" his voice was excited and I suddenly was being dragged towards the water, heart racing as Phil laced his fingers through mine.

I looked up at the water and my jaw dropped, taking in the sight before us. I'd heard of this phenomenon on Fiji, the 'underwater Milky Way' that was created by bioluminescence, making it look like there was an illuminated solar system just under the water's surface. It was beautiful, bright blueish white lights flickering under the water, the dark blue sky above making for an overall magical scene. 

I was so entranced by this view that I forgot about Phil's hand in mine, and somehow didn't even notice as he closed the space between us, sides pressing together, him just barely behind me so the front of his left shoulder pressed against the back of my right. 

I did notice when Phil's hand left mine and his hands came up to rest on the outsides of my upper arms and looked over to see him gaping at the sight before us, lights reflecting in his eyes making them a deep blue filled with little illuminations, looking like their own little galaxies and suddenly that view seemed even more beautiful than the one in the water. 

I knew I should look away, I knew I should stop thinking like this, but I just couldn't, completely entranced by Phil's marveling face, his lips slightly parted and his eyes wide with wonder and joy. 

After a few seconds he tore his gaze away from the water and met my eyes as my neck twisted over my shoulder to look at him, and there was a long pause. I still couldn't rip my gaze away from Phil's eyes, finding new little flecks of light from the water's reflection every moment, getting completely lost.

I got so lost that I didn't even notice as he began leaning forward. 

I didn't notice as his hands moved my shoulders, twisting me so I faced towards him. 

I didn't notice as his hands came down to rest on my hips.

I only noticed when those magnificent eyes closed and for a brief, ridiculous second, I was actually disappointed, sad that I couldn't see their beauty anymore, and then Phil was kissing me and all thoughts of disappointment left me in a rush, leaning forward and melting into Phil's lips, feeling like a vacuum had opened up inside my gut and was creating a tug in my stomach, a tug of excitement, of wonder, of disbelief. 

My hands made their way up to the front of Phil's shoulders, resting there flat against him as our lips slowly moved together. 

When we finally parted, we stared into each other's eyes for several moments, both of us wide eyed, and I felt a twinge of happy tears pricking at my eyes. 

Soon I was being turned away from Phil, though, and he was facing me back towards the water. He wrapped his hands around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder, quickly leaning forward to peck my cheek lightly. 

We gazed out at the ocean and I sighed, leaning back into Phil's touch.

"We're probably going to have to talk about this." he murmured after several minutes of silence and I sighed, nuzzling my head against his and relaxing, my eyes only half open, gazing out contentedly at the water.

"It can wait. Tomorrow. Tonight let's just enjoy this." 

"Okay." he mumbled by my ear and I smiled, relaxing into his touch.

I didn't even remember going back to the room but suddenly we were there and we were both climbing into my bed and then Phil was clicking off the light.

"Goodnight Dan." he said softly, and my heart leaped into my throat as he pressed a quick kiss to the corner of my mouth in the dark, then moved and finished the kiss fully on my lips, pulling away but only slightly, staying close enough to wrap his arms around me and pull me against him. 

"Sweet dreams." I swooned, and soon his breathing leveled out and I allowed myself to relax in his arms, feeling more at home halfway around the globe than I'd felt my entire life.

* * *

I woke up to light pressure against my lips and opened my eyes to see Phil just inches away from my, leaning in to press quick and soft kisses to my lips. 

"Hi." I squeaked, giggling a bit at the surprise, seeing his eyes light up as I awoke.

"Sorry, I couldn't wait to wake you up. I know we said we'd talk today, and I don't think it's gonna be a long talk but I still want to get it over because I think we're both gonna be a lot happier at the end of it." he grinned and I blushed, leaning forward to press a quick peck to his lips.

"I don't see how I could be any happier than I am right now, but if you think it's possible, then who am I to say no?"

We both giggled, high off of each other.

Phil was right. The conversation didn't last long, and soon I wasn't just making out with my best friend, my  _Phil,_ my crush. Well, technically I was, but I was also making out with my  _boyfriend_ , and I didn't even care that we'd been idiotic and too scared to admit our apparently mutual feelings we'd  _both_ suppressed for years, because what's the use of regretting the past when the present is so perfect?

We spent the entire morning lazily kissing in bed, reveling in this new development, whispering all the secrets we'd kept over the years, laughing at how blind we'd been, and making up for lost time.

Around 2pm we were both hungry and decided to return to town, and I had a plan. While Phil was getting us sandwiches I ducked away, returning to the wooden sculpture stand, and I bought the lion. I'd pay for shipping and we'd move things around in our flat. It'd be worth it to get Phil the thing he really loved.

When I returned with the huge lion barely contained under one arm, Phil's eyes began to water and he looked around, then grabbed me by the other hand and dragged me and our two sandwiches back behind the row of carts and into the treeline, making sure no one was watching and then taking the lion from me and setting it down so he could pull me into a kiss.

"Phil..." I started as we pulled away.

"Yeah?"

"I... I know things are new and it's a bit early, but we've both felt this way for a long time and it's true for me at least, and I'm sorry if it's too soon, but..." I stammered, talking around my point, unable to force the words out.

"I love you too, Dan." he smiled softly, and right then I knew I was a goner. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a long kiss, smiling against his lips as we breathed in each other's air, relishing in the closeness.

"Good." I responded, pulling back and reaching up to move one strand of hair out of his face.

We ate our sandwiches and kissed in between bites, and I just couldn't believe that the man I'd loved for years actually loved me back, but somehow it all made sense and it was just so easy, and the realization and discovery somehow seemed unimportant when compared to just enjoying the moment. 

"Dan." Phil said after our sandwiches were long gone but we were still tasting them on each other's tongues. 

"Yeah?" I asked, resting my forehead against his as we spoke. 

"Let's go. Let's go to the cliff jumps. I know you wanted to and you got me the lion... let's go." he smiled softly and my heart raced with love for him, pulling him into a deep kiss.

"You sure?" I asked, excited about the idea, but not wanting to do it if Phil really didn't want to.

"Yes, I'm sure." he smiled, and we got up. We found a post office and shipped the lion back to our flat (it was disgustingly expensive but I didn't care, it was a gift for my new boyfriend), and took a taxi to the cliff jumping location. 

"Let's go off the smaller ones first, okay?" Phil asked as he pulled his shirt over his head, and I just nodded in response, in awe that this man had chosen  _me._

"Yeah... yeah of course." I replied eventually and Phil grinned, checking that no one was nearby and then walking up to pull my shirt off for me, leaning in for a chaste kiss. 

"Let's go." He smiled, and I nodded.

It was incredible. Being with Phil, exchanging looks that said everything we couldn't while we were in public, but that I still understood to convey love, jumping into the warm water and getting the thrill of the fall, my heart beating fast, Phil pulling me close underwater and kissing me when no one could see.

I felt like I was floating. 

Throughout the day Phil gained confidence and we moved up to higher jumps. Finally the sun was beginning to set and we knew we had one jump left in us before we'd head home.

"Can we please do the highest one?" I begged and Phil looked up nervously.

"I don't know... you can... I might be too scared."

"Okay... well how about you jump off the middle one next to it and we'll land just about twenty feet away, okay?" I asked, not wanting to push his comfort zone but still wanting the thrill and wanting to experience this with him. 

"Okay." He smiled and bit his lip lightly, giving me one of those looks that told me he loved me, sending flutters through my body. 

We made our ways to the cliffs and shouted out a countdown so we could jump at the same time.

"Three!"

"Two!"

"One!" 

I jumped and so did Phil and I looked at him during the fall and made eye contact and in that moment, I knew I'd never been happier, and I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with this man. 

The next moment I felt something solid connect with my head and neck and everything went black. 

* * *

**Phil's POV**

God I loved him. His smile as we fell through the air lit up my heart but I looked away once I was close to the water's surface, getting there before him since I'd taken a shorter jump, sucking in air to my lungs and straightening my body to fall in smoothly. I went under the water, stalling for a moment underneath, then kicking to the surface and gasping in air as I emerged.

I looked over to where Dan should be and immediately my heart dropped. 

I saw Dan, but he was floating face down in the water, and the water surrounding him was tinted red. 

I went into a daze right then, all I remembered was screaming and swimming towards him, crying, the salty water from my eyes mixing with that of the ocean. Life guards jumped in and soon Dan was being dragged back to shore and then there was an ambulance and I was getting in with him and crying as the paramedics hooked him up to several machines and shouted information I didn't understand between them. 

Suddenly we were in a hospital and the only thing keeping my thoughts together was that Dan's heart monitor was still beeping. 

Doctors and nurses went in and out, but eventually they deemed him 'stable', saying he was incredibly lucky and had he hit his skull just a centimeter to the left he would have died. I was numb, unable to comprehend a world in which Dan didn't exist. 

When the doctors left I held his hand, feeling the pulse on his wrist and thanking the universe that it was still there, staring at the love of my life, laying there in a neck brace, hoping that the doctors were wrong. 

Because the doctors had told me that he was alive. He was lucky to be alive, and that was good. But he was in a coma, and they didn't know when... they didn't know when... or  _if_ he'd ever wake up.

* * *

Two weeks passed. Dan still hadn't woken up. He was still stable and he was healing, but the doctors were becoming less and less hopeful that he'd wake up from his coma. I didn't know what to do. I was losing weight, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. All I could do was think of Dan and I's last day together, our  _only_ day as a couple, and I regretted everything. I regretted suggesting cliff diving. I regretted even getting together with him, because maybe, just  _maybe_ this would hurt less.

I knew that was wrong, though. This could never hurt less. I loved Dan, and this wasn't the kind of hurt that could be erased or muted. No, this was an emptiness. A black hole eating up my insides. 

"Mr. Lester, we have a few options." a doctor started one day, and I looked up in hope, this being the first development I'd heard of. 

"Mr. Howell's situation is severe, and there are three different routes we can take. We can wait it out, hope he wakes up eventually, but that could take months, years, and he may never wake up. You could decide to say goodbye and we could take him off life support, his injuries are severe enough that that may be the most humane thing, because option C.... and I truly advise you to think on this because this sounds the most promising but it could ruin the rest of his life, option C is that we can do some minor surgeries and give him medication and he'll most likely wake up... but it's a dangerous operation and could very well end in temporary or permanent amnesia, and he may have severe brain issues." 

I stared at the doctor, hating all of these choices, wishing he'd mention another, but he didn't.

"Take your time with this decision, I know it's a big choice. If you do wish for him to go through the operation we do need to know within a few days, though."

I nodded, unable to speak, not knowing what to do.

"Thank you Mr. Lester, I'm sure you'll choose whatever he'd want." 

I sighed and slumped down in my chair, tears coming to my eyes.

I had a big decision in front of me.

 

**_A) Wait it out and hope he wakes up_ **

**_B) Pull him off life support and allow him to pass peacefully_ **

**_C) Go through with the operation_ **

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please vote below (A, B, or C) to help shape where this story goes :)
> 
> VOTING CLOSED FOR THIS CHAPTER
> 
> I did some research into comas, but this is almost definitely medically inaccurate, just please suspend your disbelief if possible :) <3


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Results from last chapter:  
> C) Go through with the operation and drugs

"Do it. Do the procedure." I said stoically as the doctor looked on, not meeting his eyes, instead staring at my unconscious boyfriend, as I had been for the past two weeks. 

"Are you sure, Mr. Lester?" The doctor asked hesitantly and I nodded, the bags under my eyes feeling as if they weighed two tons at this point. 

"Alright, we're going to have to ask you to leave the room, we'll come get you when you can return." 

I wanted to protest but I knew it'd do no good, so I simply stood up numbly and walked to the waiting room, descending into a chair. I knew I should do something. I knew Dan's family was freaking out, especially since they couldn't fly out to be with him. I knew I should be keeping them up to date. I knew our viewers were panicking. I couldn't find the energy to communicate with them, all they knew was we'd both disappeared off the face of the earth, and I was sure there were theories flying everywhere. 

I didn't do either of those things, instead just sitting, staring forward, knowing time was passing but having no idea how much or how quickly. 

Eventually a nurse came and got me, and I was being led back into the room, told I would be allowed to stay and they projected that he'd wake up within a week. It wasn't guaranteed, but the medications along with the procedure should be enough to bring him back to consciousness. Should.

I didn't know when I was awake or when I was asleep. I faded in and out, and all the days blurred together until I didn't know what day it was, or even what month for sure.

I talked to him sometimes. I'd heard that coma patients can sometimes hear and feel the environment around them, just unable to respond. So I talked to him, holding his still hand, rubbing my thumb across the back of his knuckles as I told him stories, shared memories, pleaded with him to wake up. My voice was hoarse from lack of use, but I continued on, and once I'd run out of things to say I'd quietly play his favorite music, hoping he could hear, hoping it made this a bit more bearable for him. 

This continued on, and eventually I was losing hope of him waking up. I was realizing I might never see the light in those eyes anymore, no longer see those gorgeous dimples as he grinned at me, or even as he pursed his lips, giving me a look that said 'really, Phil?'. I might never hear his voice again, or that laugh, and that... that's what sent the tears cascading down, racking my body with sobs, unable to accept the possibility of losing Dan fully. 

The doctors suggested I go home. They'd done that several times over however long I'd been here, saying they could tell I wasn't taking care of myself and strongly recommended me to spend the nights at home, and that they'd call me the second any new developments occurred. I said no every time. Not just because we were on an island halfway around the world and I didn't have a 'home' to go to here, but because I wasn't going to let Dan out of my sights for a second. The doctors would sigh and nod, resignedly requesting that I at least think on it, then leaving me alone with my unconscious... boyfriend? Best friend? Love? ...none of these seemed quite right. Leaving me alone with my  _Dan._

I began rewatching all our videos in my spare time. All his individual videos as well as every video we'd made together. They made me cry, but I kept them going, playing them on volume so if Dan could hear, he could hear them. I'd hold his hand in one hand as I held my phone in the other, sobbing as I watched us steal glances at each other, knowing now that we'd both been desperately yearning for the other's love, unknowing that it was fully returned. 

I squeezed Dan's hand through my sobs, finally having to shut off one of the videos because I needed that hand to wipe my eyes, my body shaking. I smiled sadly at the reassuring squeeze Dan gave my hand, biting my lip as I squeezed back, wishing that he could just wake up. He wasn't going to wake up, was he? He'd never wake up and all I'd be left with would be these videos... oh well, I supposed it was better than what most people had. Another comforting squeeze gripped my hand and I squeezed back, sniffling, before my eyes shot wide. 

I snapped around to look at my hand, and saw that yes - Dan's fingers were shifting. 

"Dan!" I called out, standing up to lean over his bed, excitement rushing through me, hope rising over the despair I'd felt just seconds earlier. "Dan!" I reached a hand up to cup his cheek and willed him to awake, squeezing his hand tightly. 

Several agonizing moments passed and I began to think that maybe it was just a tremor in his sleep, but then Dan's eyes were blinking open and my heart was in my throat which was tightening so that I couldn't make a sound, silent choked sobs escaping me as I pulled Dan up into a surprised hug, squeezing him as if he were the only thing connecting me to this earth. 

"Dan I'm so glad you're awake!" I cried finally, a tiny bit of sound allowing itself through my throat. He was still under me and I pulled back with a teary smile as I looked at him, pure love pouring out of me at the sight of his glimmering eyes, glinting with a hint of confusion. 

"Don't worry, Dan, I'll explain everything, you're okay. You're awake." I confirmed, squeezing his arms in excitement. 

"Is that my name? Dan?" he asked after a long pause, and as quickly as my hopes had began to soar, they came crashing down, and I was left staring openmouthed at Dan, realizing I hadn't prepared for the possible side effects the doctors had mentioned, just hoping he'd wake up. Well now he was awake, but seemed to not remember anything, and I didn't know what to do.

 

**_A) Ease him into information about himself fairly slowly_ **

**_B) Tell him everything, tell him that he and (Phil) were together_ **

**_C) Don't start with information about him, just help him into consciousness and allow him to very slowly learn about himself by himself mostly, with just soft guidance from (Phil)_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VOTING FOR THIS CHAPTER IS CLOSED


	8. Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Results from the last chapter:  
> C) Don't overwhelm him with information, just let him learn about himself for the most part with only gentle guidance from (Phil)

I'd pressed the button to call the nurses the minute Dan had woken, and now a man was walking through the door with a clipboard. He pulled me aside as Dan looked at me through knitted eyebrows.

"Mr. Lester, what does he remember?"

"I don't know. I don't think he remembers anything right now." I responded, not tearing my eyes away from Dan.

"Well this is all going to be a shock for him. Right now what's going to be best for him will be to just be here, talk to him, give him general context to his life but don't overwhelm him with details. Best case scenario he'll start remembering on his own."

"Oh... okay." I replied distractedly, wanting to rush over and hug Dan and cry, because I wasn't sure he'd ever wake up and now he was conscious and even if he didn't remember me right now, even if he never got his memory back, at least he was awake. 

The nurse nodded and moved to Dan to do some simple checks of his reflexes and blood pressure, and then we were left alone again.

"Uh... hi." Dan started, looking at me, a bit confused. "What's happening?"

I walked towards the bed cautiously, trying to think of how to not overwhelm him with information but still answer his questions and help nudge him in the direction of memory.

"You're in the hospital."

"Well no shit." he said dryly and my eyebrows raised as a grin twitched at the side of my lips, surprised and somewhat relieved that Dan still had some of his dry sarcasm left. 

"You hit your head. I'm your best friend, we were on a vacation and you hit your head. You've been in a coma for two weeks, and now we think you have temporary...."  _or maybe permanent, but I shouldn't say that to scare you..._ "amnesia."

"Oh." was all Dan said, his forehead wrinkling in confusion and concentration.

"Do you remember anything?" I ventured, and he shook his head with a frown.

"No... you said my name is Dan?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, and I'm Phil."

"Well uh... nice to meet you, Phil... though I suppose we already know each other." 

"Yeah." the excitement of Dan being awake was quickly falling away, replaced by the realization of the fact that Dan truly didn't remember  _anything,_ and might never. There was also still a possibility that more could be wrong with his brain, though it was a huge relief that he seemed able to speak and think at least fairly clearly. 

I sank into the chair next to Dan's bed as we sat in silence for a while. 

"So um.... how are you?" I looked up to see that Dan looked uncomfortable, and that's when my heart truly dropped. Dan and I could usually sit in comfortable silence for hours, we were close enough that it was easy and not awkward in the slightest, but I knew Dan and I could read him like a book and right now I could tell that he couldn't stand the silence taking over the room even for just a few short moments. 

"I'm... alright. I'm so sorry you don't remember, I just... I hope I can help. I hope we can get you to remember."

"Yeah uh... me too. So um... how old am I?" 

"You're twenty six."

"Oh okay... and you?"

"Thirty."

"Okay." more silence took over the room as Dan thought of his next question. "Where do we live?"

"We live in London, England."

"Okay that explains the accents..." I felt air whoosh out of me as I realized just how deep this memory loss went. 

"How long have we known each other?" 

"Almost nine years. We've lived together for seven." 

"Oh... wow. Do we live together now?"

"Yeah."

"Does anyone else live with us?" he asked, and I could tell from the flicker in his eyes that he was probably wondering if either of us was married or had a serious enough spouse to have a living arrangement.

"No, it's just us." 

"Right."

"What's my favorite color?" I almost chuckled at how arbitrary the question was, but smiled softly as I answered.

"Black." 

"BLACK?" he asked, his eyebrows raising and his voice rising to a small indignant shout. "But that's so boring, that's not even a real color!" 

My eyes widened and my heart dropped as I gaped at Dan, never having thought I'd hear those words escape his lips my entire life. 

"Um... you also like turquoise... like a soft more blue-y green, but still with a hint of green. Maybe it's more light aqua or mint... I dunno. You don't tell many people, but you like that color too."

"Oh okay... that makes more sense." he nodded thoughtfully and I bit my lip, trying not to cry because I was beginning to realize I may never get Dan...  _my_ Dan back. 

As if on cue along with my thoughts, Dan looked up at me suddenly.

"Wait so my name's Dan? As in... short for Daniel?"

"Yeah."

"And I go by Dan?"

"Yeah."

"I don't like it as much. Could you call me Daniel?"

"Oh... uh... yeah I'll try."

"Okay. Thanks."

Silence overtook the room and I looked at my fingers, twiddling them together, trying to keep my body from shaking. When I looked up a few moments later, Dan... Daniel was asleep. 

I dropped my head into my hands, overwhelmed by the idea of never getting Dan back, but moments later sat up straight and shook my head. No. Dan was still in there. He was still there and I was going to find him and bring him out. I was  _going_ to get Dan back, it didn't matter how long it took, I'd try anything and we'd start the minute he woke up.

 

_**A) Show him YouTube videos with him in it to show him who he was** _

_**B) Try to play board games or do things unrelated directly to him 'remembering', and just try to bring out who he is naturally** _

_**C) Find pictures of everyone in our lives and show them to him, explaining who each person is** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VOTING FOR THIS CHAPTER IS CLOSED


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Results from last chapter:  
> B) Play board games, do mundane things to try to help him realize who he is on his own

"Mr. Lester?" I turned my head away from Dan's sleeping form to see the doctor in the doorway. 

"Yes?"

"We'll be releasing Daniel today. You can bring him back to London, we've spoken to a hospital there and set everything up so if you have to go back in, they have his information."

"Oh okay. Thank you." I responded, realizing I'd somewhat forgotten London and our normal lives, focusing solely on Dan. 

I pulled out my phone and quickly went to a travel site, booking us each tickets on the flight. They were for tomorrow morning so we could go to a hotel by the airport once Dan woke up and was released, and then board the plane in the morning. 

Dan slept for another four hours while I signed various releases and forms, and then he was awake and I was telling him it was okay to use my shoulder for support since he hadn't walked in a long time and his head was still a bit woozy, and then we were getting in a cab and driving to a hotel. 

We walked into the hotel room, complete with two beds I'd made sure to get. We laid down in our respective beds, and I turned to the TV, getting an idea and using the cable we'd brought to hook up the laptop, pulling up an anime. 

"Wanna watch something?" I asked with a somewhat forced smile, but Dan didn't seem to care as he shrugged.

"Sure." It was silent for a bit as the show buffered. "Would I want to watch something?" he asked after a while and I sighed, turning to him.

"Yes. Yes, you would. We both love anime, we watch it in basically all our free time."

"Anime?" Dan asked, cocking his head to the side, and I realized he didn't remember what an anime was.

"It's um... it's a Japanese cartoon sort of." I explained badly, more focused on the realization (and seriously, when was it going to finally sink in?) that Dan really remembered  _nothing._

"Oh." he responded after a bit. "Weird." 

I shrugged and clicked play once the buffering was over, returning to the bed as it started. I looked over to Dan several times throughout the show, and it was clear from his expression that he wasn't enjoying it or understanding it, but it gave me a little hope that he was clearly trying, wanting to remember who he was.

"Dan? Sorry... Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For trying."

"Why do we watch something that isn't even in English?" he responded and I couldn't help from laughing, cackling as I clutched my stomach, because that was just so  _Dan_ , ruining a sweet moment like that.

"You get used to the subtitles." I choked out after a while, laughing even harder when I looked up to see Dan's shocked and somewhat concerned expression at my demeanor.

"Oh." was all he said, still staring at me as if I were an alien. 

"We can watch something else if you want. Maybe a movie?" 

"Something in English would be good. My brain..."

"Right." I agreed, getting up and moving to the computer. I decided to go with a classic, putting on the old Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, settling back into bed. When I looked to Dan during this one he had a small smile on his face, and by the time it was over, he turned to look at me.

"That was good. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Silence overtook the room for a while. "Daniel?" it still felt weird calling him by his full name regularly. "I'm gonna help you, okay? You're gonna be yourself again soon."

"I don't even know who that is..." Dan muttered before turning to look at me and giving an apologetic smile. "Sorry. I know this must be frustrating for you, having your best friend basically disappear. I'll do my best... thank you for helping me."

"That's what we do. We help each other." I stated simply and he nodded, seeming to think about that, and eventually smiling.

"Goodnight, Phil."

"Night, Dan. Sorry, Daniel. I'll wake you up for the flight tomorrow."

"Mmkay."

* * *

Dan was shaking as the plane began picking up speed, hurdling down the runway.

"Hey. It's okay, we've done this plenty of times, there's nothing to be scared of." I whispered, reaching out to take his hand in mine, which luckily he didn't let go of immediately, instead squeezing until I thought the bones in my hand might break, but I didn't complain because I was happy that he was comfortable enough with me to be okay holding my hand. 

We sped down the runway and then lifted into the air and Dan let out a little choked yelp, grabbing my forearm with his other hand, his knuckles white. 

After we'd passed the majority of turbulence and the plane leveled out, the announcement coming that the seatbelt signs were being turned off, Dan finally relaxed and let go of his death grip on me. 

"Are you okay?" I asked him, noticing the sweat beading on his forehead. He seemed to notice it as well, as he reached a sleeve up to wipe it off, nodding quickly at my question.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry I just... I don't want to fall." 

At that, my heart felt as if it shattered. Because I remembered Dan falling. I remembered him falling and I remembered him not being able to get back up, floating face down in the water. I remembered the blood pooling around him, the fear that he was dead. I remembered the decisions I'd had to make at the hospital, and I was still not sure if I'd made the right one, but at least Dan was alive, and that was something.

I noticed that tears were pooling in my eyes, and suddenly, without even consciously deciding to, I threw myself into Dan's arms, hugging him tightly as I allowed a choked sob to escape my throat, crying into the fabric at his shoulder. 

Dan hugged me back slightly awkwardly, clearly surprised and unsure of what to do.

"Uh... are you okay?" he asked after a second and I pulled away, nodding and wiping my eyes.

"Sorry. Sorry I just... I'm really happy you're alive is all." 

"Me too." he said softly. "Thank you. For everything you've done so far... and for everything you did before. I don't remember it, but I know you saved my life, so... thank you." 

I just nodded, not trusting my voice right now, settling back into the slightly cramped airplane chair, impatient to get home. I couldn't help but hope that maybe... just  _maybe_ going home could spark some recognition or memory for Dan... but only time would tell. 

* * *

It didn't.

The first day back at the flat was spent giving Dan a tour, explaining how our house was set up, and then sleeping because we were both jet lagged. 

The next day I woke up early and made us oatmeal, getting Dan who whined and complained about being dragged out of bed, making me smile a bit because it felt almost normal for a second, then plopping down on the sofa and eating breakfast.

"So what are we doing today?" he asked after a while. "Should we like... try to jog my memory? Talk to people, re-introduce me, take me places I've been, tell me more? I mean... I really know nothing about myself except that we're best friends and I apparently like weird Japanese cartoons that aren't even in my language."

I chuckled a bit, shaking my head.

"I don't want to overwhelm you. I know you might feel okay right now, but this is all still a lot. I was thinking that today maybe we'd just play some games. I think you'll feel better about learning more about your old 'self' once you have a bit more of a sense of who you are now." I explained as he nodded, seeming to understand and agree with my reasoning. 

"Okay. What should we play?"

"Let's start out with something simple... maybe Sorry!" I brought out the board game and explained the rules, and soon we were laughing and sarcastically telling each other 'Sorry!' as we knocked each other's pieces back to the start. It was fun, it was easy, and it almost felt normal. 

"You know, I think you were right. Or I was right..." Dan began to muse near the end of the game.

"Huh?"

"About my name. Screw Daniel, I'm Dan."

I was pretty sure my heart grew three sizes then and was about to explode from my chest, sending warmth through me as I smiled at Dan, relief flooding me.

"Good." was all I said and he smiled, a small glint in his eye as his dimples popped. 

The smile was gone almost as soon as it arrived, and Dan's face elongated, his mouth open in shock, his eyes wide.

"What is it?" I asked, worry seeping through me.

Dan looked at me, tears glistening in his eyes as he spoke.

"I remember something." 

* * *

Sure, a distant memory of helping his mum bathe their dog when he was probably no older than three wasn't much, but it was something and something was more than I'd dared to let myself hope for. The doctors had said he could have permanent amnesia, and while it wasn't guaranteed that all his memories would come back, this was a good sign that more might and I allowed myself to get excited.

We spent the rest of the days playing more games, moving to Monopoly where he got enraged (much to my excitement because it felt like old Dan again), and then I taught him how to play Mario Kart. He wasn't great at it, but was much better than a normal beginner, which made me optimistic for his muscle memory. 

As the day drew to a close we put away the pizza box we'd emptied and the controllers for the game. We brushed our teeth, and when I went to say goodnight, I was surprised when Dan shyly reached his arms out, asking for a hug which I quickly obliged to. 

"Thank you again, Phil. I really can't imagine what this all must be like for you. I can feel the memories in my head... they're just too far to reach right now, but I'm trying. It's hard... but I want to remember... if not for me then for you." 

I drew in a deep breath, carefully controlling my emotions because I really didn't want to start sobbing right now. 

"Thank you, Dan. We're gonna get your memories back, but for now, don't exhaust yourself. Get some sleep, we'll work on it more in the morning."

"Okay."

As I fell asleep I couldn't help but let a smile take over my face, allowing myself to feel hopeful and optimistic for a moment, even though I knew that was dangerous. I couldn't help myself. 

Tomorrow was a new day, and I was determined that Dan was going to remember something else... I just needed to decide how to go about it.

 

**_A) Go into London and show him around places he and (Phil) have gone before_ **

**_B) Invite a friend or family member over_ **

**_C) Watch an old video_ **

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VOTING FOR THIS CHAPTER IS CLOSED


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Results from last chapter:  
> C) Watch an old video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone for a few days, I kinda needed to take a small break from writing, it was becoming too routine and I felt like my writing was suffering from that. Hopefully coming back from this break I'll have even more energy and inspiration to write for you guys! Love you all <3  
> Also if I'm absent on here, I'm most likely still active on my tumblr on those days off @mollieblackwrites :)

The morning felt almost normal. Almost.

I made breakfast for Dan and I since he still wasn't used to our kitchen layout, and we sat on the sofa with music in the background as we ate our cereal and sipped coffee. 

After a little while I took a deep breath, breaking the silence.

"Dan... there's something I need to tell you."

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up from his bowl of cheerios with his eyebrows raised.

"So... we don't really have normal jobs..." I started, unsure of exactly how to approach this topic.

"Oh god." Dan's eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open. "We're not murderers, are we?" he asked, almost in panic and I began laughing, shaking my head.

"No, no no no, we're not murderers, Dan!" I giggled and he relaxed mostly, still keeping an eye on me in curiosity. "We just um... so do you remember what YouTube is?"

"Uh..." his eyebrows furrowed in thought as he shook his head slightly. "I don't think so. It sounds somewhat familiar, but I can't place it."

"Well it's this website where you can share videos online. We both make videos for it... we have a big audience and we get money from the website for the ads we put on our videos."

"Oh..." was all Dan said, cocking his head a bit to the side as he took this information in. 

"So... basically since 2009... which was eight years ago... a lot of our lives and our friendship has been recorded and published online."

"So we just like. Film our lives?" he asked in confusion.

"Well... not really. There are a lot of different people who do what we do. We're called 'YouTubers'. And everyone has their own style and their own 'type' of videos they put out. We do mostly comedy, and we run a channel together where we play video games and do commentary."

"And people watch that?"

"Yeah uh... they actually really like it."

"Oh uh... okay." 

I took a deep breath, doubting myself a bit and wondering if this was all too much to throw at Dan, but I barreled forward because I'd started, and I might as well get through it. 

"So I was thinking that - just when you're ready - we could maybe watch some of our videos... show you who you... and who  _we_ were."

"Oh... yeah um... that'd probably help." Dan looked confused still but he was nodding as he picked at his fingernails.

"Also... like I said we have a pretty big following. A lot of people know us, so if we post anything online or go outside, it's likely that someone will recognize you."

Dan's eyes went wide with fear at that, and he looked at me, shaking his head violently.

"We can't - I can't - No, we can't do that, not until I remember more, I don't -" Dan began to stutter and I moved closer to put my hand on his arm, trying to calm him. 

"Hey... hey, Dan, it's okay. It's okay, calm down. We won't do anything until you're ready, okay?"

"Okay..." he agreed, his shaking subsiding, and I removed my hand from his arm. 

"Alright, so for now we can just go through the day, but let me know if you want to watch a video, yeah?"

"Yeah... okay." 

After that, the subject was dropped and we returned to our food. Once we were done I put the dishes away and returned to the lounge, sitting down next to Dan, who had a strange look on his face.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, wondering what the expression was about, but he just shrugged.

"Oh, nothing. Just trying to make sense of everything."

"Yeah... well if you ever have any questions..." I offered with a small smile. 

"Yeah. Thanks." 

Silence took over again and I tried not to think of the past. I tried not to think of what it'd be like if this had never happened. If he'd never hit his head, or even if we'd never gone on that trip to Fiji. Sure we wouldn't have gotten together, but it's a small price to pay to have your best friend back. I tried not to think about it, but the only thought racing through my mind was just;  _what would it be like if he just remembered?_

Hours passed. It was a quiet day, mostly just moving about the house and reminding Dan where things were. He continued to get confused and thoughtful expressions, but when I would ask he'd just say he was just trying to make it all make sense. 

Finally, we'd just finished dinner, and Dan cleared his throat.

"I want to do it."

"What?" I asked, an eyebrow raised.

"I want to watch a video. With us... the old us."

"Oh... yeah, okay. Let me just find one." I agreed, hopping up and running to my computer.

It was only when I pulled up YouTube that I realized there were so many videos to choose from... which would be best?

 

_**A) One of the PINOFs** _

_**B) A storytime video with only Dan (Maybe "I nearly blinded myself")** _

_**C) A baking video** _


End file.
